A bestfriend

June 8,2008,Sunday.That was the day when my ex-boyfriend and at the same time my bestfriend's birth day.Its been quite a while since we broke up and stop our communication.Its been quite a while also since i've been carrying this guilty feeling and the feeling of emptiness inside. God knows how hard i tried to forget him and take him out of my system. I've tried to commit into a relationship thinking that it can help but i was wrong, I'll just be fooling my self by doing so. I've learned that it won't help,and never commit into a relationship if your not done with your last relationship,if it is still unfinished because it will only make things worst. I am still thinking about him,whether if he is fine,if he is thinking of me too. I am so crazy checking every now and then on the net about his sign,about his love tarrot,love scope and everything. I always wanted to text him or call him and ask how he is. But i just can't because he already change his contact #. I was paranoid and really felt pitty on my myself. It appears that i am begging from his love and attention and i really missed him too. Sometimes i just found myself crying for that reason. Don't know what has happened to me. Since we broke up i lose direction of my life,i gave up my dreams,my job,no more goals to achieve and i know who am i. I'm living like a robot, doesn't care what was happening around me. I just live by the day and let it pass.
I am so tired of being like this,acting like this. I want to break out and continue living my life. I can't take it anymore. It's time to face the reality and accept the thing i have to accept and believe that it's all God's plan. I've been suffiring enough,cried and learned a lot.
June 8,2008,On that morning i really don't know what to do. I feel that i want to scape. I want to sleep the whole day and just woke up on june 9,monday. But it's impossible to do that so i just get my self busy. That morning also my best geraldine reminds that it's our bestfriends birth day but i just ignore it and keeping my self busy. N ot knowing that i was already crying. I've a friend about it,and she adviced me that i should do what i think is right.She gave me some advices. At first i am afraid to do it. But at the end of the day i came to think that it's time to do it. I've decided to talk to him once and for all. To finish the unfinished things between us.I don't want us to end like this. I missed my bestfriend!So since i don't have his contact # i asked it first to his co worker i've known. Then i texted himand ask if i can talk to him and he said yes. I was surprised then call him,i don't know what to say but idon't like that silence between us on the phone so i greet him happy birthday. I was happy to know that he was happy that i remembered his bday and called him because he already miss his bestfriend he said. I was speechless at the moment. Don't know what to say. Don't know if i have to go on. But i've decied already so i told him what i need to say,everything i need to say,that i still love him,that i can't live my life without him...............

It was like the clock stops running...,.,.,.,....,,,,,
while waiting what he will be going so say..........

Then he said he love so much that he doesn't want me to get hurt anymore,specially by him.
He said that it's time to switch back the way we were before as best of friends. In that way he can never hurt me again and still loving me. Yes i love him that much too,and i feel what he feel,maybe we're just not meant to be partner in life because it will just hurt us both. The love we feel for each other id meant to be just best of friends. I realize also that i can give up a partner but i can never give up my bestfriend. The best friend i'v used to be with in almost 6 years.