A bestfriend

June 8,2008,Sunday.That was the day when my ex-boyfriend and at the same time my bestfriend's birth day.Its been quite a while since we broke up and stop our communication.Its been quite a while also since i've been carrying this guilty feeling and the feeling of emptiness inside. God knows how hard i tried to forget him and take him out of my system. I've tried to commit into a relationship thinking that it can help but i was wrong, I'll just be fooling my self by doing so. I've learned that it won't help,and never commit into a relationship if your not done with your last relationship,if it is still unfinished because it will only make things worst. I am still thinking about him,whether if he is fine,if he is thinking of me too. I am so crazy checking every now and then on the net about his sign,about his love tarrot,love scope and everything. I always wanted to text him or call him and ask how he is. But i just can't because he already change his contact #. I was paranoid and really felt pitty on my myself. It appears that i am begging from his love and attention and i really missed him too. Sometimes i just found myself crying for that reason. Don't know what has happened to me. Since we broke up i lose direction of my life,i gave up my dreams,my job,no more goals to achieve and i know who am i. I'm living like a robot, doesn't care what was happening around me. I just live by the day and let it pass.
I am so tired of being like this,acting like this. I want to break out and continue living my life. I can't take it anymore. It's time to face the reality and accept the thing i have to accept and believe that it's all God's plan. I've been suffiring enough,cried and learned a lot.
June 8,2008,On that morning i really don't know what to do. I feel that i want to scape. I want to sleep the whole day and just woke up on june 9,monday. But it's impossible to do that so i just get my self busy. That morning also my best geraldine reminds that it's our bestfriends birth day but i just ignore it and keeping my self busy. N ot knowing that i was already crying. I've a friend about it,and she adviced me that i should do what i think is right.She gave me some advices. At first i am afraid to do it. But at the end of the day i came to think that it's time to do it. I've decided to talk to him once and for all. To finish the unfinished things between us.I don't want us to end like this. I missed my bestfriend!So since i don't have his contact # i asked it first to his co worker i've known. Then i texted himand ask if i can talk to him and he said yes. I was surprised then call him,i don't know what to say but idon't like that silence between us on the phone so i greet him happy birthday. I was happy to know that he was happy that i remembered his bday and called him because he already miss his bestfriend he said. I was speechless at the moment. Don't know what to say. Don't know if i have to go on. But i've decied already so i told him what i need to say,everything i need to say,that i still love him,that i can't live my life without him...............

It was like the clock stops running...,.,.,.,....,,,,,
while waiting what he will be going so say..........

Then he said he love so much that he doesn't want me to get hurt anymore,specially by him.
He said that it's time to switch back the way we were before as best of friends. In that way he can never hurt me again and still loving me. Yes i love him that much too,and i feel what he feel,maybe we're just not meant to be partner in life because it will just hurt us both. The love we feel for each other id meant to be just best of friends. I realize also that i can give up a partner but i can never give up my bestfriend. The best friend i'v used to be with in almost 6 years.

My Bestfriend

Once i fell in love of my bestfriend. I don't know how and when did it all begun. All i know is i love him that much. Now that we're apart and broke..i still love him the way i used to. I still love him in spite of everything,in spite of the pain it brought to me.It's really hard to accept that everything between us is over.
All of us are hoping to have a long lasting relationship ,of course who doesn't want to,right. Nobody wants to be broken,to be hurt and hurt someone. But no matter how we love that person if you were not meant to be it's just wouldn't be.
I thought that i was stupid for loving him continuously. I tried to move on but it is not that easy. I Can still remember the time when i told you that i will never give you up,i will never give up our love and fight for it even if a lot of people do not want us to be together. But i realize that it's not that easy. It's just that how can you fight for that love if the other person give it up already.How can you stand on it if the person you love,the person you're trying to fight for,loves somebody else.
From the very start i knew that we'll just be hurting ourselves but still i tried,we tried and hoped that it would be a happy ending like those fairytale love stories found on the books,an unconditional love as what they called it. But we we're wrong because there's no such thing in this world.
Sometimes i found myself crying looking nowhere. Awake until dawn trying to figure out why it has to happen. Why do we have to get hurt and cry.Many times i have told him that I regret the day i met him,regret why did i follow my heart. All i want to do is to hate him but i just can't.
Well,everybody made mistakes. Mistakes that brought our relationship to an end.I told you that i can live my life without you. And I thought i can stand on it but i really can't no matter how hard i try. I'll just hope that someday everything will be ok.

Pain

Once i fall in love with my best friend
I don't know when and how did it all happened. All i know is i loved him since the day we've meet.Inspite of the things had happened,inspite of the pains and heartaches i still care for him. It's hard to accept that it's over. And it's not easy to lose the person you love. All of us are looking forward to a lasting relationship,ofcourse you do not want to end that relationship because you simply don't want to lose the person you love most.But what if that person wasn't really meant for you?

I thought i was so stupid for loving him though it's over,for showing i still care inspite of everything he did to me,inspite of the pain he made me felt.I can still remember the time when i told him before that i will never give up our relationship and i'll fight for it. But i realize that it is not that easy,it's just that how would you fight for that love if the one you're fighting for give it up already? How can you fight for him if he doesn't love you anymore?

From the very beginning i know that this will only hurt me,but i still go on and hoped that it will be fine,hoped to have a happy ending relationship just like those fairytale love stories in the book ,an unconditional love as what they call it.,.but that was before because i came to realize that there's no such thing in this world,we can't get everything we want.It's all or nothing,if he loves somebody else i will be happy to set him free. knowing that he is enough for me. Yes
I cried nights and nights,found myself awake so late trying to figure out why it has to happen,why do i have to cry like what i did because of you,why do i have to got badly hurt this much??? Maybe because it is what it takes to love someone???

Nsabi ko sayo, sa lahat ng malapit sa akin at sarili ko na pinagsisihan kong ikaw ang minahal ko,kung bakit sunod-sunuran ako sa nararamdaman ko.Actually hindi ei,.,hindi ko pinagsisihang nagmahal ako,at ikaw ang minahal ko.I don't know why nor how,mahirap ipaliwanag pero yan ang nararamdaman ko.Through words maybe i fool everybody but i really can't fool myself.Galit ako sayo! ni ayaw kong marinig pangalan mo,lahat ng ala-ala mo nawala lahat sa isip ko.Nag isip ako ng masama sayo,i have told my friends how bad and conscienceless you are.But this is because i'm so mad at you,dahil sa sakit na nararamdaman ko.

Well,everybody made a mistake ika nga. You made mistakes and so do i.Mistakes that brought our relationship to an end.And it did breaks me a lot.Akala ko hindi ko kakayanin,i thought i can't stand no more mula sa pagkakamali kong iyon.But i really tried everything.I've tried my best to understand you,to be on your shoe.

Now i am not that mad at you anymore,ofcourse it ididn't appear to me like magic!it came to me gradually. I figured it out na it's not only your fault anyway,i have my own faults also.Maybe it's time to accept na siguro we're really not meant for each other. Isang pagkakamali lang ang relasyon na yon and so we have to learn from our mistakes.

Also,i do believe na lahat ng bagay happnes for a reason and i have accepted whatever reason lies behind it.Though i really don't want to let you go but everything says that i have to.

Don't worry,Naiintindihan na kita,naiintindihan ko na lahat.